They Said It...

This week's account of normal everyday Republican patriot speech

• Republican Fox News Host Andrea Tantaros: “This is what is happening to our press! This is Obama’s America! It’s like the Soviet Union.  He said he would change the country. He said it. And a lot of people voted for him.  And if you see any of those people today, do me a favor, punch them in the face.”

• Republican Alex Jones: "of course there's weather weapon stuff going on -- we had floods in Texas like fifteen years ago, killed thirty-something people in one night. Turned out it was the Air Force."

• Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-TN): “For even when we were with you, we gave you this command: Anyone unwilling to work should not eat.”

• Republican Pete Santilli: I want to shoot [Clinton] right in the vagina and I don't want her to die right away

They Stole the Election

Good ole fat boy Alex Jones.  He never lets me down.  He's easier to predict than the sun rising in the morning.

Jones during a phone interview with Gun-boy Lovers of America:

"They stole the election. That’s what I’m worried about, Larry,” Jones told Pratt. “There’s so much election fraud now. They’re about to legalize the 30 million illegals. But they know this is their last shot, because America is starting to wake up.”

Stole the election? Of course the Dems stole the election. That's the only way we can win. Obama did it by sending the IRS after right wing Tea Bagger groups and by skewing the polls, and by dispatching his Black Panthers to guard the polls, and by intimidating the media to not report anything negative.  Thank you Alex Jones for being so right all the time.

Presumably, the Dems wanting to legalize 30 million illegals is so we can guarantee our future dictatorship for years to come.  It's our only shot, like Alex says.  Because we all know the only people who vote Demcoratic are non-Americans.  Wheeee!!

It's Called Lying

One contemplation I've noticed about stoppages in writing is where do you pick back up again?  Currently there's no shortage of political topics with all the GOP craziness trying to create a scandal for one of the most non-scandalous administrations of all time.  But where do you delve into it?  GOP staffers portraying edited email conversations as direct quotes trying to frame the administration is a perfectly good spot:

CBS NEWS: "...Republicans have claimed that the State Department under Hillary Clinton was trying to protect itself from criticism. The White House released the real e-mails late yesterday and here’s what we found when we compared them to the quotes that had been provided by Republicans.

One e-mail was written by Deputy National Security Advisor Ben Rhodes. On Friday, Republicans leaked what they said was a quote from Rhodes. “We must make sure that the talking points reflect all agency equities, including those of the State Department, and we don’t want to undermine the FBI investigation.” But it turns out, in the actual e-mail Rhodes did not mention the State Department. It read “We need to resolve this in a way that respects all the relevant equities, particularly the investigation.” Republicans also provided what they said was a quote from an e-mail written by State Department Spokesman Victoria Nuland. The Republican version notes Nuland discussing: “The penultimate point is a paragraph talking about all the previous warnings provided by the Agency (CIA) about al-Qaeda’s presence and activities of al-Qaeda.” The actual e-mail from Nuland says: the “…penultimate point could be abused by Members to beat the State Department for not paying attention to Agency warnings…” The C.I.A. agreed with the concerns raised by the State Department and revised the talking points to make them less specific than the C.I.A.’s original version, eliminating references to al-Qaeda and affiliates and earlier security warnings. There is no evidence, Scott, the White House orchestrated these changes.

Holy cow! Could it be any more blunt?

Of course, Republicans that actually this report will only chalk it up to the Liberal Media.  Most won't even see it because Fox News will never ever let such reality enter into the Fantasy World they have created.

Quickies

This week in Republican rhetoric:

• Republican Representative Louie Gohmert  of Texas excruciatingly claimed that radical Muslims are "being trained to come in and act like Hispanics when they’re radical Islamists."  He also tried pin the Boston bombings on foreign nationals when at this moment no one knows who committed the attacks.  

• Republican and self-proclaimed Man of God, Pat Robertson stated on his 700 Club show compared gays to the illuminati.  

• In an email to other New Hampshire house Republicans, Rep. Peter Hansen (R-Amherst) referred to women as "vaginas."  Don't worry women, he was only calling evil Liberal islamofascist feminazi women vaginas.  Those that vote Republican and love their country are excluded.  

• Bob Davis, a Republican radio host in Minnesota, angrily stated on his morning show that the victims of the Newtown shooting massacre (20 children in first grade) and their families  that he is "sick and tired of seeing these victims trotted out,” and that “I would stand in front of them and tell them, ‘go to hell.’”

• Totally crazy nutjob conspiracy theorist and former Republican candidate for Texas House, Alex Jones (who is a total and complete idiot that hates America) has been on a rampage since yesterday claiming the Boston Marathon bombings are a result of a "false flag" operation by the FBI-- you know just like every other terrorist act of the last 80 years.  This guy couldn't fight his way out of a paper sack. What a joke.

Welcome to the Big Leagues

Rand Paul believes people were too harsh on him about his Afro-outreach where he tried to tell students at Howard that the Republican Party hasn't changed in the last 153 years.

Welcome to the big leagues Randy.  This isn't your daddy's monthly newsletter doing the reporting here.

Stocks Hit Another Record High

This can only mean one thing.  Obama is coming to take away our guns.

Hillary Wins

This week's testimony by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton sums up everything that is out of touch with the Republican Party.

To better understand what is going on and why Hillary's presence was so demanded by Republicans you have to step back from reality for a moment and enter into a make-believe world where everything is a conspiracy.  Truly that is why Republicans think Benghazi is so important.

They believe the administration convened a huge cover up about the events of the attack on the American embassy that left 4 dead.  They believe the administration was negligent by ignoring intelligence warnings leading up to the attack; and that the administration tried to downplay the attack by claiming it was just a random protest turned violent.  For this, the GOP and Fox News viewers think Hillary should be fired, Obama should be impeached and we should immediately start governing the way Republicans want or face annihilation.

But history, factual history, paints a very different story of what is really prompting the GOP to appear to care.

Now what possibly could cause Republicans not to care when over 30 people were killed at American embassies and consulates over a 6-year period?  Oh that's right, George W. Bush was the Decider and everything was perfect in the world. Republicans were governing as fiscal conservatives by running up a trillion dollar deficit and doubling the federal debt.  They were busy trying to privatize Social Security, growing government to huge levels and bailing out mega-wealthy CEO's with trillions in tax payer money.

But now that those good ol' days are gone, they want everyone to believe they care.  And their Fox News minions and Facebook conspiracy theorists are more than happy to go along with the charade.

Quickies

• Notre Dame's famed linebacker Manti Te'o looks like he has a lot of explaining to do.

• “People did not change their mind much in this election after February, March and April. That’s when those ads went on and we had to define Mitt Romney as what he was, a cold, robotic tax cheat from a polygamy cult."-- Bill Maher.  I'd have to say I do agree with him.  

• Crazy college professor who said it's legitimate to think the Obama administration was behind the Newtown Massacre just might be getting fired.  Not sure why it has taken them this long actually.

• Oh no, Reagan's SG says Obama has used his Executive Orders in a standard way and have been issued in a "benign" mode.  It's a good thing Reagan never supported gun control legislation.  Wait, never mind.  Makes you realize once again there's no way Reagan would win a Republican Primary today.  Not with the idiots controlling his party, no way.

• Didn't Dennis Hastert say that if a Speaker doesn't follow the "Hastert Rule" then they really don't have control over their caucus?  Well, once again John Boehner passes a bill through his chamber without majority GOP support.  It's clear he probably doesn't have control over his caucus.  I'm not saying that's a bad thing. It actually might be the best thing to happen to America this year.  Think about it.

Republican Conspiracy Refresher

Since the election I've mainly focused my conspiracy theory attention to myths on how the GOP lost the election.  Those are the most fun for me.  Republicans lose big time in an election they predicted was an easier cake walk than invading Iraq and both turned out just about the same for them.  Doesn't get any better for those of us in the reality-based community.

Because of this, I missed out on Republican conspiracies floating around about Hillary Clinton and her intentional fainting spell so she could get out of testifying about her huge cover up on Benghazi.  A little fainting doesn't fool anyone, so Mrs. Clinton had to come up with something bigger to avoid Rep. Issa and his truth-finding committee.  So how about a blood clot in the head?  Nope, she's not fooling anyone.

God-forbidden, if Hillary were to become very ill and pass away due to her sickness, these total idiots would no doubt believe she faked her own death to avoid testifying to their witch hunt committee.  They're insane, and sadly, they are a major political party that shares legislative power in America.

More Polling Gems

The most recent PPP poll sure is an attention grabber.  As I listed below, the poll shows about 25% of registered Republican voters want their state to secede because Obama was reelected, which is just ridiculous in its own right.  Well, that same poll also shows 49% of Republicans believe ACORN stole the election for Obama.  Of course they believe his reelection was rigged.  They are told nearly every hour on Fox News that Democratic voter fraud is rampant and that all the polls are skewed to favor the president.  Except there is a tiny little problem with this latest conspiracy theory for 2012.  ACORN is no longer in business.  It closed its doors in 2010 and had no operational basis this election year.  Let's not let facts stand in the way of a good Republican Conspiracy Theory, however.

*Update:

What was Point #3 I mentioned the day before the election?  "3. Voter fraud.  Black Panthers, Chicago thugs, and early voting stole the election."

Again, no I'm not that smart.  It's just that Republicans really are that dumb and so easy to predict.

World's Biggest Cry Babies

Democratic-leaning Public Policy Polling says their latest poll shows 25% of registered Republicans want their state to secede because of Obama's reelection.

It really has to suck to be a Republican.

They Wouldn't Be Republican Without Their Conspiracies

To the right wing lunatics, Gen. Petraeus is a true American hero of the highest order.  He saved George Bush's butt in Iraq.  He even answered the call from Obama to save Afghanistan.  They've been stroking off to this guy for quite some time.  So the only way they can compute in their tiny minds his sudden fall from grace is Obama set him up to-- of course-- discredit the military.

Erick Erickson Says Republicans Should Come Up With New Ideas Like Repealing Obamacare

In what is possibly the most delusional item I've read since the election Tuesday, Erick Erickson writes what I'm sure he believes to be an Awesome Call to Action to move the Republican Party forward in the 21st century.

Moving forward, the conservative movement from within the GOP needs to advance new ideas, not just dust off and repackage old ideas. The principles remain the same. The principles are fixed. But the ideas that advance those principles must fit into the twenty-first century.

And what might those new ideas be?

The GOP should start with education reform. They should tackle tax reform. They should work the break up big banks by forcing big banks to capitalize further. They should not shy away from tackling social security and medicare reform — ideas that did not hurt them with senior citizens and will ultimately help them with younger voters. They should still fight to repeal Obamacare and explain to the American people why it is sucking the life out of the economy.

Education, break up the big banks that Bush bailed out, reform Social Security and Medicare, repeal Obamacare. Huh, new ideas? These are exactly what Mitt Romney and the GOP ran on and lost big time.

Those aren't new ideas. They are the same old tiresome Republican ideas of the last 30+ years, dusted off and repackaged just like Erickson says shouldn't be done. Anyone remember Mittens' Five Point Plan that he mentioned every other word?  

• Education reform 
• get rid of government regulations burdening the economy 
• reform Social Security and do away with Medicare 
• Repeal Obamacare 
• reform the tax code and cut taxes

Those are the exact same "new ideas" Erickson wants for 2014.  They haven't learned a thing.  And they won't.  Because they truly believe they didn't lose this election, at least not as a rejection of their platform.  As Erickson says, its' "cyclical."   It's not as if Americans embraced "liberalism" and rejected "conservatism."  It's simply a "cycle of distress" brought about by minorities now electing presidents.  Nothing in Republican ideology was rejected in this presidential election.  Yeah, that sort of thinking is really what's going to move you forward.

Such thought from the right wing is no surprise.  Of course their ideas weren't rejected. The polls were skewed, the media was in bed with Democrats, Black Panthers were election judges, and Obama gave minorities free iPhones for votes.  All is normal, the GOP is still the party of 21st century Americanism.

Wednesday Morning Excuses

Before all the hoopla begins on Wednesday, I wanted to jot down the five biggest excuses/conspiracy theories Republicans are going to be using to contend that President Obama's reelection was stolen proving that he is not a legitimate president.  Yes they are that crazy and yes they are that easy to predict.

I'm tempted to start off with Hurricane Sandy as reason number one for Republicans.  But since it's so new of an excuse, I think it needs some more time to simmer.

1. Romney was a flawed candidate.  He didn't run as a true conservative with all of our values in morals as his first priority.
2. Hurricane Sandy was an October Surprise that blew the election to Obama's favor.  An election Romney was winning they think.
3. Voter fraud.  Black Panthers, Chicago thugs, and early voting stole the election.
4. The media wanted Obama from the beginning and there was no way they were going to let him lose.
5. Obama ran as a conservative proving once again we are a conservative nation.

GDP Still Growing, Fox News Immediately Labels it a Conspiracy

Commerce Dept. says the economy grew at roughly 2% last quarter.  This can only mean one thing in the minds of Republicans: one huge conspiracy to get the president reelected.

Those of us in the reality-based community understand today's news to mean the economy has grown for 13 consecutive quarters.

My buddy Steve Benen draws us a picture:

Gay Muslim Terrorists Have Taken Over BLS

Economy adds jobs, unemployment rate falls and Republicans say it's a conspiracy to get the president reelected.  Is there anything in their twisted world that isn't a conspiracy?

Huge News Alert!!!!

Fox News, Drudge and the rest of the right wing media are all reporting President Obama is a secret black man!

*Update:

Conflicting reports are coming in but details have emerged that his full name might be Barack Hussein Obama!

**Late Update:

Huge news day for America.  It's been sketchy at best but sources are confirming that not only is the president secretly black but his father was not an American citizen. 

***Even Later Update:

It's confirmed.  His father was not a citizen and he was black too!!!  This is worse than Watergate. 

Reagan Hits Fox News for Complete Dishonesty

Just like the 2008 election, if President Obama is reelected Republicans will view him as an illegitimate president.  For the current term, it's because ACORN stole the election for him and the Black Panthers stood guard at the polls intimidating whites so they wouldn't vote.  And, of course, because the media stole the election for Obama because they loved the ratings behind the monumental notion of having our first black president.  John McCain just never stood a chance against such an onslaught of voter illegalities.

The next term will again be because of voter fraud.  But it will also be because companies doing the polls have rigged them to show Obama winning thus suppressing Republican morale and votes.  There's just no way Mittens isn't winning over America's hearts.  Something must be awry.  It's always a conspiracy.  Republicans are-- without a doubt-- perpetual victims.

Ronald Reagan Jr. says it best:

The rank and file actually believes some of this nonsense. They believe that evolution didn’t happen, global warming is a hoax, Obama is a Kenyan. But the people like Dick Morris — and Sean Hannity for that matter, who has spread a lot of this kind of propaganda — they know better than this and there is a method to their madness here.”

“They’re not delusional, they’re dishonest. They’re not crazy, they’re craven… What they’re trying to do here and accomplish here is to say in advance, if President Obama wins this election, it’s because the pollsters suppressed the Republican vote, it’s therefore an illegitimate election, he’s not really president. They’re setting the table for that.”

Newest Perfectly Sane Right Wing Theory

Free cell phone program started by George W. Bush is the reason Barack Obama is getting the black vote.

Oh he will, just give him time

The quintessence behind every single Republican argument against President Obama is that he's hiding something that he really, really wants to do.

He hasn't destroyed America yet.  But he wants to.  And will if reelected.

He hasn't taken your guns yet.  But will if reelected.

He hasn't taken God out of the pledge or off our currency yet.  But he will if we don't stop his second-term.

He hasn't enforced Sharia Law yet.  But wait cause he will.

He hasn't rounded up Christians, Republicans and those who oppose him and put them in FEMA camps yet.  But he will just as soon as he's reelected.

He hasn't raised taxes yet.  But he wants to soooo bad.  Or as Mitt Romney put it yesterday:  “I admit this, he has one thing he did not do in his first four years, he’s said he’s going to do in his next four years, which is to raise taxes,” Romney told a crowd at a campaign stop in Vandalia, Ohio.

It's always a conspiracy for Republicans.  It's their entire rationale for political existence.  Mention to them that the most serial tax increaser in American history was Ronald Reagan and their heads explode into some right wing chant about how Democrats forced him to do it or how his overall net tax baseline is still negative.  Ummm, so is Obama's but we aren't letting facts get in the way of a perfectly good Republican Conspiracy. 

*Update:

This is almost priceless.

Realizing Mitt Romney has once again veered extremely off message about Obama not yet increasing taxes, cause in their world Obama has already instituted the largest tax increase in world history, his campaign is pushing back and making up total lies explaining Mittens' comments.

“President Obama has raised taxes on millions of middle-class Americans during his first term in office,” the campaign said in a statement to ABC News. “Governor Romney was clearly communicating about an additional tax increase President Obama is proposing on American small businesses that will jeopardize over 700,000 jobs. Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan will stop the President’s tax increases, create 12 million new jobs, and turn our economy around.”

So Mitt had it all wrong.  President Obama has already raised taxes for millions of Americans and he's going to raise taxes even more if reelected.  That's the GOP message.  I'm assuming Republicans are once again using the Affordable Care Act as a tax increase, which I don't dispute because there are taxes levied from it.  But if Obama's health care reform is a tax increase then so is Mitt Romney's individual mandate he executed in Massachusetts while Governor, which is without a doubt the blueprint for Obama's overhaul.

Yet again, I'll add.  If we have to view Reagan's numerous tax increases in the prism that his overall net tax baseline is negative, then certainly we have to view Obama's in the same context and justly conclude that Obama has by far cut more taxes than he's raised.